A Wretchedness that Pulls Insights from Misery

I wonder              if you think of me
every day like I do you.               Every     day
thoughts press indents in my brain          crying
out your name with sting             heart     can’t shed
this pain                 I sing to you, about you               music
I wish to help ease          my suffering          of leaving
you        I left you, yet I harbor this ache             grueling
torture still          after all the physical pain              you left… 

I dream                of you                   move on              you
say, I try, I do, and I’ve moved             but I’m wounded
it’s hard to trust                love       another                   to put
myself out there like I have                         before…

I realize                my motivation comes from         you
perhaps why I still desire you      though I hate you
my need to impress, show you                  I’m capable,
smart, reliable…                everything you couldn’t see
It’s funny though            your girl now,    everything
you despised for me      cleavage for all     to see
makeup blackening eyes              and        a baby
by another          though I never had one       you’d kill
had I. You couldn’t stand              thoughts of another man
loving me yet you            accept                   a bastard child
maybe because he’s just              like         you,       a bastard.